Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
me + whiskey = a bad person
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
