check it out our google latitudes are spooning
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
