you guys were way drunker than both of me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
