I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
