6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
