I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
They are going to name an STD after you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
