I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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