i permit you to call me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
