Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
