hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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