Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think people are normalizing furries
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
