Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
