I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
