Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
