Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
