I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
