drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
