Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
