im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
