This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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