she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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