I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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