so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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