Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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