Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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