i barfeds in our rink
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
