Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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