There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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