It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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