i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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