i just wanna soil my oats bro
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
