Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize