I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
