It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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