do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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