fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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