I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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