I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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