Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
