can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
