I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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