i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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