When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
