and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
