I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
