I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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