nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
