The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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