How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
