My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
