Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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