i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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