I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
