After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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