I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
