This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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