i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
