I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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