now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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