Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(325): View more from Texas

I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder

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(618): View more from Illinois

Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??

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(860): View more from Connecticut

of course. lets lasso hookers.

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(802): View more from Vermont

It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol

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(631): View more from New York

I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.

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(425): View more from Washington

Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"

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(559): View more from California

You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka

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(678): View more from Georgia

If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.

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