Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
