My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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