I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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