I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize