So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
