The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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