Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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