Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
