I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
